pasi-crazy's blog

My new home!

It has really been a long time, I almost forgot about this place.
My updates:
I moved away. I now live in an old crappy appartment, I share it with a friend of mine.
I you know what, I really like it here.
This really feels like my new start you know.
My way of starting my own life, that is the reason I left.

I do not have a big room or anything, nor alot of stuff.
But it fits perfectly.
2 Days ago I went to dinner in a fancy restaurant with my friend, his younger brother and his girlfriend (who is also a friend of mine). It felt nice, even though I was the youngest out there (18) and they were all al least 5 years older than me! But it did feel like a grown ups life, where you chose your own path.
anyway I am out again.

later

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Commenter

#Posté le dimanche 22 août 2010 09:03

Someone died today!

Someone died today.
Someone I know, someone I like.
Someone I had know for more than simpleness.
I had worked for her, I had sat at her table eating her food.
I had known her...

She was a mother...
- A mother to a grown up son.
- A mother to a girl just facing puberty, who will now be faced with great tragedy and unbearable pain. All alone in her struggle to fit in!
And also a mother to a young human, a little boy, who has never even had the chance to say a word, a little boy who will never feel his mothers touch or warm loving skin.

Non of her children will even be able to know their mother for who she would have been. These people will one by one, be in great pain. Each and every one of them all in their own time.

A mother left this earth today, a friend, a daughter, a loved one...
And all life does, is keep on going.
Many people will be damaged by this tragedy, many hearts will ache.
In their pain she leaves her mark.
In her absence, they will feel emptiness.

Death comes to all of us.
Non can escape.
And when it comes for you, it will not be you who's heart aches.
But the hearts of the people that love you, those hearts will break.

What makes this day an even worse tragedy, is that in her final days, weeks, she knew only misery.
All she had ever fought for, all she worked for day and night, got taken away from her.
As her son, had now found an other home,
as her daughter in doubt between mother and father,
as the youngest being an outsider to the people that once were a family
And as a home, that was ruined by influences she did not know how to treat.
It is sad that in her last moments her minds was full of worries and pains, and wonders about how to continue.
Who knew, she would never have a chance to make it all right again, to make it okay. To feel happy again.

We should never take the good days and moments for granted, we must enjoy all we have. You will never know when it will be gone.
No one will ever know if the fight you put up to make your mark into this world will be rewarded by a good life.
Maybe the battle never got you anywhere.
But if you enjoy those moments, it would not matter wether it got you anyway or not, cause the journey will be your destination!

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Commenter

#Posté le mardi 11 mai 2010 16:33

Today!

Sorry I has been a while, I've been busy and my head wasn't in it!
I can't sleep, I should cause in 3 and a half hour I have to get up, and get ready for school again.
I am not sure if I'm gonna go.
I think I need some rest after a week like this.
All week my head wasn't around!
I couldn't focus, as if I felt a storm coming my way.
It's weird, there always has to be something that makes your days worse.
Misery loves company. I guess that part is true.

Friday! Friday!
I am really angry cause of friday.
My dad called me a few days earlier. asking me is I wanted to come with him!
to visite the people that now have my dog ( my dad gave my dog away almost 2 years ago)
I didn't even wanted to go, It's weird!
But the moment I got in the car I knew something was up!
It didn't take long for me to realize it either.
My dad was freaking drunk!
The freaking fuck!
It seems like he has forgotten all about the past!
It got worse... Not even was he already drunk.
He drank even more when we were there, not a bit.. no alot!
It's a wonder Nothing serieus happened!
Like a car crash or what ever!
It might not seem so very interesting or bad to you.
But trust me it is, Not only did he make a fool out of me, and him self out there.
He also put us both at risk!
No father should even drive drunk with their daughters in the car!
It's just not right!
He shouldn't of done that... we were just trying to build up a relationship again.
But he blew it.
And if I was only a little bit stronger.
I would neven speak to him again

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Commenter

#Posté le dimanche 21 mars 2010 17:38

Old friend

Two days ago... I started hanging out with an old friend of mine again.
The reason we were not friends anymore, is simple.
She cannot be trusted!
Every person around me tells me to stay away from her.
They did from the first minute... I never listened.
I thought I could help her, change her.
Cause I could see that there was a wonderfull and loving person underneath.
It is crazy how somtimes you know you shouldn't do something, but you do it anyway, and then something goes terribly wrong.
Well that happened... something did go really wrong.
Many bad things were done ( not by me) but by them! And when I confronted her about it.. Suddenly it was me the bad person! after that...
She treated me as if I was the worst person on earth. She said I wasn't worth trusting, I was mean.
But when it comes to the point, I was the one that made the right desicions. I told the truth, instead of lying to one an other! I stayed true to myself! and tried to make it better for her!
It's weird, for a really long time I felt extreemly sad about it. but now, that she is back.
I don't really know, I took some distance and realized what people said was true and that I was wrong to trust her.
But now, I guess it's just a new start.. and once again I am trying to help the broken ones.!
And at the end, It is me that gets hurt.
Cause face it, not many people are willing to exept the help they get!

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Commenter

#Posté le jeudi 25 février 2010 08:55

Lying!

I remember writing this, I do not really remember why I wrote it!
It was like 2 years ago!
But what I do remember is that I did not write it for myself!
Here It is:

Then there was silence, as if the world stopped every sound my human ears could hear.
As if all simply stopped.
A moment in which every hase in my head finally cleared up, and all came back to me.
All my mistakes, problems and solutions.
A moment in which this clearity had a much bigger impacked on the silence inside.
The silence that was now disturbed by what the clearity brought.
I realized I was finished, my historical, made up stories finally reached the surface of the big lake of my life.
I realized there was no escaping the pangs of a lie.
Every story that does not contain nothing but the truth will haunt you untill it comes back to light.
Because it will.
Even the ones you put away so deep even your memory has a hard time to reach.
The ones you had forgotten, while walking the light but you know that once the silence falls upon you,
they will come back and maybe this time,
Take you down for good!

I know I had this whole scene playing in my head when I wrote this.
I guess today I was reminded of it.
Many times people do things, and think no one will ever know, or at least some people won't.
But guess what, people talk, you eyes turn, and people will know.
Even if you do not know they do, look in there eyes and find out they know, what you don't want them to know!

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Commenter

#Posté le jeudi 18 février 2010 09:03

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My new home!

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Someone died today!

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Today!

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Old friend

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Lying!

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